I can't believe that it's been over 6 months since we've last posted. We've had SO many changes in our life, which I'll share soon. (No, they don't include a baby Cain. Maybe soon, but not now:) )
I've been struggling recently with a few things. It's a very stressful time of the school year. I'm sad that the year is coming to an end because I will miss my kiddos a lot. At least I'll get to see them next year:) My grandfather died right after Christmas and I still haven't really allowed myself to grieve. (Working on that one.) One of my former coworkers lost her father this week. Several friends are hurting from different situations. It just seems like one thing after another....
The biggest burden on my heart is that we're searching for a church again. It's always tough and we left a church last week knowing that we wouldn't be back. It was one of those situations where we didn't even have to discuss it. We both just knew. We'd only been a handful of times. Everyone was very friendly and we were starting to feel comfortable. You know when you really want something so badly that you block out the little voice that's pointing out the flaws in your plan? That's where I was.
I don't know why it was so tough for me, but I was really heartbroken over the whole thing. I'm so thankful for a husband like Derek because he is such an amazing leader of our household. He truly seeks God's will for our family. What a blessing! I am one lucky girl to have him:)
I know that God has plans for us. I know that we will find a church home. I know that if we seek Him with our whole heart, we will find Him. I've discovered that I'm a micromanager. I didn't realize that, but I am. (I'm sure that's not as surprising to you as it was to me.) I've learned that it's difficult for me to let go and trust other people, much less God. In his heart a man plans his course, but God determines his steps.
I've been focusing on truly seeking God's plan. It's not easy for a Type A girl like me, but I'm working on it. In my efforts to find some praise and worship songs for our Christian group at school, I found this song by Sidewalk Prophets. They have several songs that I like, but I heard this one for the first time and I can't stop listening to it. It's called You Love Me Anyway. Here are some of the lyrics:
Still You call me to walk on the edge of this world
To spread my dreams and fly
But the future's so far, my heart is so frail
I think I'd rather stay inside.
But You love me anyway.
It's like nothing in life that I've ever known.
You love me anyway.
Oh Lord, how You love me.
How You love me.
It took all of my strength to simply be still
To seek but never find
All the reasons we change
The reasons I doubt
And why do loved ones have to die?
But You love me anyway.
It's like nothing in life that I've ever known.
You love me anyway.
Oh Lord, how You love me.
I am the thorn in Your crown.
But You love me anyway.
I am the sweat from Your brow.
But You love me anyway.
I am the nail in your wrist.
But You love me anyway.
I am Judas' kiss.
But You love me anyway.
See I am the man that called out from the crowd
For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground
Yes then I turned away with this smile on my face
With this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace
And then alone in the night, I still called out to You
So ashamed of my life....
But You love me anyway.
Oh God, how You love me anyway
Go listen to the song on You Tube. It's great! I hope it touches your heart as much as it touched mine. God will never give us more than we can handle. Sometimes He has to break us to make us more like Him. This world is not our home. We must cling to the One who promises us eternal hope. This world will constantly disappoint and hurt us. We constantly fall and sin. But God constantly loves us despite our failures and shortcomings. Thank goodness for the cross!!
My prayer every day is that I will be a light in a dark world and show others who God is through my actions. Oh Lord, how You love me even though I'm the thorn in Your crown, instead of the shining light that I should be! Show me Your plans and the path You want me to walk.
5 comments:
hello sweet cousin! i hope your heart isn't as heavy today.
i don't know if you know, but my grandfather (obviously on my mom's side too) died last fall. it has been a very difficult event for our family to go through because it has affected everyone differently.
so, now matter the trials and tribulations you are facing, your blog said it perfectly, you will just have to trust that you will get through it and know that you will not be faced with more than you can handle!!
AND you have an amazing family to support you along the way!!
so, i hope today finds you better than yesterday!
love and miss you!!
I'm sorry you are feeling down. Looking for a church is so hard - I know, because we are right there with you! And I also share in your struggle of trying to plan things and finding they are not in alignment with God's plan.
Thanks for posting the song lyrics - how encouraging! I hope the blues lift for you soon, it sounds like with your attitude you are well on your way. :)
We need to skype with you guys soon!!!!!!!
I definitely know what you mean. It is so hard to let go and let God do His work. Miss you and hope we get to see you sometime soon before we move.
My Sweet Bug... Let not your heart be troubled! Sometimes it takes just being still, inside and out, so that we can hear the Lord speaking. Just as I've told D many times over the last few months- keep your focus on Him and not on the circumstances around you. Trust that He has the perfect place for you. (It makes it doubly hard for you when you left such a strong church when you moved. But, He led you there, didn't He? He will do it again!) Be still, my Bug, and know that He is God... and that He loves you and D and has His best in mind for you. I love you and will be praying for you.
MoM
Hey, I stumbled on your blog looking for tips on swagbucks and noticed your church dilemma.
Have you ever visited www.mormon.org? That church changed my life.
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