Bruises and Butterflies

I had a bruise on my left hip from pressing myself against the patient table at the emergency vet clinic to hold and comfort our "daughter" in her last few minutes with us. We had to let Chloe go two weeks ago tonight. The three of us have been through quite a lot in the past few weeks. Even though each day is better than the last, there is a hole in our family that we cannot fill. My heart feels like it is permanently bruised...it aches for my little girl.

We had taken Chloe to the vet every week we had her. I will elaborate more on her various illnesses later, but they started out with worms and diarrhea, went to an upper respiratory infection, and ended up with seizures. All of these illnesses point to distemper, which is a virus that affects many body systems, eventually reaching the nervous system. It is difficult to diagnose because it mimics other diseases. On March 1st we were up all night with her. We thought she had an ear infection and we had given her ear drops and cleaned her ears. Almost immediately she started screaming in pain, so we cleaned them out with water. She seemed to sleep better when she was laying on your chest and was propped up, so we took turns sleeping with her. During the course of the night she had four seizures. We had no idea what was happening other. She would chew constantly and her head would shake. It was awful! Derek took Monday off and dropped her off at the vet for observation. At first the vet thought she just had sensitive ears and maybe even a hole in her eardrum that caused the cleaning solution to get into her middle ear. She was due for another round of shots, so she stayed there for a few more hours before they were able to give her the shots. During that time the vet noticed she had a tick, where she would kind of jump a little bit every once in awhile. She had always done that so we didn't think much of it. He also noticed several other things that led him to diagnose her with distemper. He said to watch her, so we could treat her symptoms and sent her home with Derek. Our poor baby girl had at least three seizures from about 6:00PM to 8:30PM, each one worst than the previous one. We decided to take her to the Emergency Clinic for medicine to get her through the night. We were there for about an hour and half and she had five more seizures. Each time she would be very confused afterwards and look at us as if she had no clue who we were. After a minute or so, she would seem to remember everything, but she wasn't quite the same little lady. After discussing distemper with the vet, he told us that we could treat her symptoms and see how she does as the virus runs its course, but things would get much worse before they would get better. If she did survive, she could just have a tick or be completely blind or worse. When she was old, she would go through the same seizures again before she passed away. We just couldn't do that to her. Chloe was such a good little girl and we loved her more than ourselves. We decided to put her to sleep. Derek was there when his family had to put his childhood dog to sleep and he now wishes that he wasn't. We decided that if she was calm and ok, we would give her lots of loves and then leave before they gave her the shot. At first, I felt like that was abandoning her, but she was so relaxed and I'm thankful that we said goodbye that way. My last memory of my angel is the sweet vet tech walking out of the room with her looking back at us with a loving look in her eyes. God gave us His peace, knowing that we did the best thing for our Chloe girl.
Monday night and Tuesday were awful! We cried a lot and tried to stay "busy." We took Cooper to a great nature trail in League City and walked for about an hour. We took another walk around the "lake" behind our neighborhood in the afternoon. On our way back from our afternoon walk on Tuesday, we were greeted by a beautiful monarch butterfly. It flew around us for quite awhile and gave us both a sense of peace. We've seen quite a few butterflies since then and I think of our Chloe every time.

We each took a picture with Chloe before we left for the Emergency Clinic. Please excuse our appearances, we had been crying quite a bit. (especially me)
(Pictures to come soon.)

I am so thankful for my husband! He truly is my rock! I couldn't have gotten through those first few days without him! I am so blessed to have a man who I trust completely and who understands me, sometimes more than I do:) We've been taking lots of long walks with Cooper. The exercise, fresh air, and quality time as a family have done a lot to heal our hearts. Someone asked us if we would do it all over again, knowing what we do now. We would without question. Chloe made our lives great! We are so thankful that we could give her a loving home and a family for the last part of her life! Even though her time with us was way too short, she filled our hearts with a lifetime of love. We will never be the same! My mom gave us a sweet picture frame to put her picture in that says, "Forever Loved." Today has been especially hard, as I was home alone with Coop during my first day of Spring Break. My throat still burns and my heart still aches from time to time. I have a hole in my heart that's just big enough for a little angel girl. I will always miss our circle tail wagging little Chloe, but I am honored that I got to be her "Momma" for four weeks and five days.

Sweet Chlo-girl,
My little girl super hero...your Momma, Popsi, and Brother miss you like crazy! We are so happy for you that you're not hurting or sick anymore. We think of you often, especially when we see butterflies. I miss snuggling with you on the couch. I save you a spot every night. You brought us so much joy and happiness in your short time with us. Thank you for loving us! We love you more than ever and we look forward to the day when we get to see you again!! I love you, my angel girl!
Love,
Momma